What is a date, really, but a job interview. . . .

This weekend I was asked out on 4 dates.  4!  I haven't been on 4 dates this entire year (I don't count "hangouts") and now 4 in one weekend???  But, it all went downhill very quickly.  Let me start from the beginning. . . .

Guy #1 – Technically this was not a date, but I’m counting it because this is my blog and we live by my rules around here.  #1 asks me to go to his family’s cabin for “some or all” of the weekend.  It was a big group thing, he had invited several other people (see not a date) and I really, really wanted to go.  In fact I made a plan to go Friday night and then things just didn’t work out that I could go.  I hate when things don’t work out.

Guy #2 – Some guy who I have seen around town but never met messaged me on FB

“How are you?  Want to get together and drink some beers?”

Seriously dude?  Know your audience.

Guy #3 – Technically this wasn’t a date either although I’m almost certain he would have bought me dinner first.  One of my “friends” (I’ll be reevaluating our friendship after this incident) birthday is on Tuesday and he asked me if I wanted to go to Mesquite and have “birthday sex” with him.   Of course this was AFTER another girl canceled on him.  I told him I was nobody’s back up plan (among several other reasons why we would never be having birthday sex) and he said “no big” and went into some story about how many girls want him and I pretended my cell phone cut out and hung up on him.  I win!

Guy #4 – Seriously, this was doomed from the beginning.  First, I met him online which I didn’t want to participate in anyway.  Second we had been messaging each other for weeks and didn’t really have a lot to say to one another.  I thought once we met in person it would be better.  Wrong.  But that was just the first of many wrongs for this date:

*I'm pretty sure his shirt had been in the laundry hamper with all the other dirty ones for at least 4 days.

*He talked about washing his truck in booty shorts, more than twice.

*He told a few racial jokes.  Even after I didn’t laugh at the first one.

*When he walked me to my truck I was too distracted by the crumbs on his shirt to have an actual conversation.

I kept thinking “he can’t possibly think this is going good”.

Oh but he did.  He kept talking about how he wanted to go out again.

APPLICATION DENIED.

Naturally, I went home and ate half a pan of brownies and drank milk straight from the carton.