Every fat girls motto

*sigh*  I'll start tomorrow. . . .

The one where Target becomes my own personal HELL

I confess....

* It has been a rough week.  I feel like I say that a lot!

* I lost my wallet at Target   :(

*Then someone turned it in, so I got it back  :)

*But not before someone stole my cash and credit cards.  (CURSE WORD!!)

*I'm counting on karma to take care of this person.  

*If I ever find them I can't promise I won't shank them!

* Other than that the last 2 weeks have been awesome.  For no particular reason.

* I have laughed harder than I have in a long time.

* Mostly because I can't stop quoting Jersey Shore "ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HER?!!"

* It makes me want to move to Jersey and become a trashy drunk.

* HAHAHAHAHA........But seriously.

School is in session

Class: Manners 101

Today's lesson: the door

Last night I had a curious encounter at the gym.  As I approached the door there was a gentleman walking about 20 or so steps ahead of me.  Right behind him and in front of me was a woman on her cell phone.  He opened the door and held it as the woman walked right through with not so much as a "thanks" or nod of acknowledgement.  Even though I was quite a ways back he stayed there and held the door for me.  As I walked through I made sure to remove my headphones and say thank you.  I also remove my headphones at the front desk because the guy there always says hi and I don't want him to think I'm rude if I happen to not hear and not return the hello.  But, headphones are a whole other lesson, this lesson is about the door.

Real simple, here's how it works people.

Guys: your job is to open the door and allow the lady to walk through. I don't care if she is 5 years old or 50, 123 pounds or 321, an A cup or double F. Get. The. Door. Do not try to hold the door awkwardly open as you stand in the door way. It makes for tight quarters and quite frankly makes me uncomfortable.

Ladies: your job is to walk through, acknowledge the gentleman holding the door for you and say "thank you". Do not under any circumstances think that because you are on an important call on your Mo-Bile that it excuses you from being polite.  Also, do not expect the door to be opened for you.  The only thing worse than a man not getting the door is a woman waiting for it to be opened for her.

Class dismissed.

Kids say the darndest things...



Yes, I am aware I am doing Friday Confessional on Monday, but I wasn't inspired to blog on Friday.

Yesterday was adventurous....to say the least.

*Sunday morning about 9:30 my cell phone rang.

*Because I don't answer numbers I don't know I wait for the voicemail to ring through.

*As I'm listening to the message I start having a little panic attack as one of the councilers in the bishopric is asking me if I got the message that they wanted me to speak in church today.

*Obviously he's joking.

*Who leaves a message for someone to speak in church?!

*Especially when said someone dropped their phone in a sink full of water a few weeks ago and so it randomly works.

*Uhhh...NO!  No, would be the answer, I did not get that message.

*I calmly called him back and told him that besides my primary class, I would not be giving any talks in church today.

*His reply "We'll get you next time"

*Good luck with that.

*After church we discover there's no sour cream in the fridge and my sister in law needs it for the poppy seed chicken.

*Being the gracious tenant that I am I volunteer to go to the store.

*Secretly I wanted to go because I needed chocolate and in a house with 5 kids there is never any chocolate.

*It's like they have a 6th sense.

*Last Sunday I found my youngest nephew hiding in my closet with 3 candy bars and a handful of kisses I had stashed.

*Later, we had our home teachers come by for a visit.

*Thats how you know its the end of the month.

*He is talking about examples and proceeds to ask Cooper, the oldest of the 5 children, if he wants to serve a mission.

*He explains that some of the choices Cooper makes are going to set the example for the younger kids,

because they'll want to be like him.

*I make a joke that his little brother Paxton is already like him because they both have big ears.

*That's who I am.  I'm the jokster.

*Until, Paxton came along.

*Paxton: "We also have matching butts."

*Yep.  THAT just happened!

*After a few minutes of literally ROFL, their mother explains they have matching birthmarks.

I'm so sad I'll be moving out soon.



Girl Code



I read a blog post yesterday that really got me thinking about some things. Basically this girl was shunned because some popular girl in school told people to be mean to her. And they listened. Read the post. It. Was. Brutal.

http://thelolaletters.blogspot.com/2011/01/30-days-of-truth-day-8.html

That's when I realized I am 32 and I still deal with middle school drama.  I have a "friend" who has a sworn mortal enemy.  We are talking Autobots VS Decepticons.  DEFCON 1 when these "ladies" run into eachother.  It gets pretty annoying because I am expected to carry as much disdain for this person as she does.  And that's a lot of baggage.  I pack light.  I'm not the type of person to hold a grudge.  I don't even hate people who have personally crossed me as much as I am expected to hate this person.  She thinks I'm not being a friend if I'm nice to this girl.  I think she's not being a friend by expecting me to act in a way not conducive to the person I aspire to be. 

So, when do you stop following girl code and start following your own moral compass?



My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil



I confess....

* While everyone has been running around and crying on FB about the astrology signs changing, I was more like "who the freak cares?"

* And that's why I'll always be a Scorpio.

* I need a Man.

* Someone sent me a code for 6 months of Match.com for Christmas.

* I have yet to use it.

* I just keep thinking what if I meet this awesome Man on match.com who I'm madly in love with and in turn he is also madly in love with me and we have a fabulous life together.

* I know your thinking "duh! That's the point right?"  Right!

* However, I'll always be thinking in the back of my mind "we met online and THAT is just weird"

* Seriously what kind of story is that to tell your kids?

* "Once upon a time a lonely girl and a lonely boy logged on to the world wide web and exchanged emails..."

* What would that fairytale even be called?

* I also can't bring myself to delete the email with the magic code that may or may not change my life.

Ralph!



* Calgon take me away!!

* I didn't want to confess my sickness.

* But it's taken over my life.

* It's hard to blog about something else when all I can think about is this ache in my guts.

*  Unsure if the ache is because I'm starving due to lack of solid food or if it's the little green guy from the Mucinex commercials that has taken up residence.

* I have successfully infected the entire household.

* Im sure their glad the let me come live with them :)

* Why is it that kids cannot grasp the concept of throwing up in the toilet?

* You can't fit the couch cushion in the washing machine.

* And no amount of frebreeze will make it ok.

* Hopefully I live at least another week if only to confess something better than throw up.