Life's a beach. . . .

I confess. . . .

*  I'm having a really sad day.

*  Two of my best friends are in Hawaii and I'm at work.

*  Or whatever they say in Hawaiian for "this sucks!".

*  I'm also watching my sister's dog while her family is on vacation.

*  That little crapper knows how to bark.

*  Lacie and I are not use to yappy ankle biters.

*  I spent $70 on groceries Monday to last me for 2 weeks.

*  Somehow I've yet to cook anything.

*  I keep getting great offers to go out to eat and someone either has a coupon or wants to pay.

*  Who am I to turn down free food.

*  I won't do it.

*  My boss told me that I have to work on July 24th.

*  Uhm....you obviously don't know who you messin with.

*  I feel a cold coming on.

*  Feels like it's gonna hit in about....25 days.

Hairy situation. . . .

I confess. . . .

*  I like to be pampered.

*  But I'm also very cheap/poor.

*  I once bought a special little tub so I could do my own pedicures.

*  Really.

*  I mean the whole reason for the pedicure is the relaxing, and the massage chair.

*  Last night my friend and I went to get Awapuhi hair treatments (if you've never had one I highly recommend it).

*  We go to the Paul Mitchell hair school because you can get them for freakin cheap and it's just a deep conditioning so it's not like they can screw it up....

*  Until now.

*  He seriously could not comb my hair for crap.

*  Yes.  You read that right.  HE!

*  I don't like getting my hair did  or pedicures by a "man".

*  My friend graciously offered to take him and give me her hairdresser but I thought that would only cause me more embarrassment to try to explain why we were switching.

*  Next time I will gladly exchange the 5 minutes of embarrassment for 15 minutes of torture!

I confess. . . .

* I went blonde.

* I mean BLONDE.

* My friends are getting slightly annoyed that I'm constantly checking myself out in every window/mirror I see.

* I think they are just secretly jealous.

* Tomorrow is our second family hike to prepare for our Grand Canyon trip this fall.

* 5 miles.

* Shouldn't be too bad.

* Although it's looking like it might just be me and my mother since everyone has little league/basketball/dance/life going on.

* Pray for us.

* I started the 60 day BOM challenge.

* I've been waking up an hour early to get my reading for the day done.

* As much as I am enjoying this, I can't seem to manage to get in bed before midnight.

* It's killing me. Physically.

* However, I've never felt more spiritually alive.

* So, I got that goin for me.

I'm in love. . . .

*  See....well....there's this guy....

*  I love his eyes.

*  He's tall, dark, handsome.

*  He's kind of the brooding type, I don't mind.

*  I really think he could be "the one"

*  He has just one flaw.

*  Did I mention he's a vampire?

*  I know!  Blew my mind too.

*  I may have a slight, disillusioned obsession with Ian Somerhalder.

*  You know, the bad brother from Vampire Diaries.

*  What?  You don't know??!

*  What the hell is wrong with you?!

*  Now do you see?!  Do you see why I must marry this man and have his babies?!!

*  I may or may not have looked up his IMDb profile so I could watch every loving show/ movie/ commercial he has been in.

*  It's ok right?

*  I'm not like white jacket obsessed....am I?

Ringing off the hook....

*  I know I've mentioned this before but, I love my Blackberry.

*  I mean love as in it is an appendage I cannot live without.

*  But, there is a downside.

*  I cannot believe some of the things people call me for.

*  Such as but not limited to: 
I'm on this website ordering jeans can you tell me what size I'd be?
Can you tell my sister to get off the computer?
Can I come hangout at your office because my sister won't help me clean my room?
Do you know my girls dance schedule?
Can you tell me what my phone number is?
Can you call mom and see what the plan is for lunch?
I need you to call (so and so) and tell them I'm running late.

*  And by people I am of course referring to my family who I am bound by blood to love.

*  My boss also calls me for some of the most ridiculous reasons but at least he's paying me.

Never put off today what you can to tomor. . . .

Hot damn I love Friday! Confessing is just good for the soul.


* I hate the new FB.

* Just needed to say that.

* My brother and his wife had twins! YAY!

* A boy (Jaxton) and a girl (Jailee).

* I may or may not have given them a complex about Jaxton's nose.

* Whaaaat? I just said.... it was....more....defined than the Jailee's.

* That's all.

* And maybe, kinda laughed a little. Just a little.

* But that's it.

* And also said it was huge.

* I swear that is all!

* I have a new roomate moving in next week.

* And if you know me AT ALL you will not be surprised when I confess that her room is not ready.

* It has a few boxes that need to be consolidated and moved.

* But let's be real. It took me months to unpack my needed essentials.  I'll probably wait until she's carrying her stuff in before I move the boxes.

* Because if there is one thing I never fail at, its procrastination.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I confess. . . .

* Tonight is our annual family reunion. 

* I say "annual" but this is only the 2nd year we have done this.

* I already hate it.

* Please don't make me do it again next year.

* 365 days is not a long enough break.

* Last year my mom made us do skits.

* This year my sister is making us do games.

* It's like, where the hell have you 2 been the last 60 years?

* My family does not do skits and games. 

* We do food, we do TV.

* It's ok.  I'm gonna put my big girl pants on, a big smile, and go have fun....or die....it's definitely one of those 2 options.

From the Pacific Ocean to the Jersey Shore. . . .

I confess. . . .

* At karaoke this week there was a guy, in western wear, and he was asian.

* He sang some Johnny Cash and I could not believe the pipes on this guy.  Amazing!

* We started to refer to him as the "Asian Cowboy"

* Which made me feel a little racist.

* Until he came to our table and said "It's not everyday you see an Asian Cowboy"

* I know, right!

* I finally finished the 1st Hunger Games book.

* Yes, I am fully aware that I am 3 years late to the party.

* That's how I roll.  Always gotta make an entrance.

* Oddly enough I found myself really liking the book.

* Even though it's about a bunch of teenagers fighting to the death.

* Explain that one to me.

* I've also discovered that I love Canadian television.

* They still make good wholesome tv shows that you can watch with your grandma or a small child.

* Not like Jersey Shore where you have to wait at least 1  hour after everyone is asleep.

No Snooki flashing your cooka and ta-ta's all over Italy is the furthest thing from wholesome and just makes everyone hate Americans even more....but I'm still going to watch.

Love, Misery, and Food. . . .

I confess. . . .

*  I found this station on Pandora that is all old school love songs.

*  Boys II Men, Bryan Adams, Richard Marx, Eric Clapton, Journey,.

*  Love.  It.

*  Wednesday was a bad day.

*  Bad, bad day.

*  If I worked in an office that the customers actually had to come into, someone would have been shanked.

*  My boss had his ornery pants on.

*  My brother got married yesterday and was having his rehearsal dinner Wednesday which no one really knew about until Wednesday morning.

*  I was getting calls about what time and where was it at.

*  How about maybe calling the people in charge?  Ever think of that one genius.

*  No matter, tomorrow is CornFest and I'm gonna eat corn on the cob, navajo taco's, and funnel cakes until my stretchy pants don't fit anymore.

3 strikes and your out. . . .

I confess. . . .

*  I go to Applebee's way, way too much.

*  Like they know my name and I don't have to order my drink they automatically bring it to me, sometimes before I'm seated, too much.

*  This will not stop or slow me down I just thought I would confess that.

*  Last night was bingo and yours truly won a bat.

*  Yes, a bat.  A plastic bat that you would buy for your 2 year old.

*  I have been playing bingo every Thursday for about 4 weeks trying to win this bat.

*  Yes, I know I could go to the dollar store and get one for probably $.50 but that's not the point.

*  I wanted to WIN it!

*  The bingo caller knew this because I had threatened her many, many times that I wanted it.

*  My friend even told her my fav colors were blue and yellow so she promised to save me the yellow one.

*  I was so excited when I won I yelled "ME, ME, ME" instead of the customary "BINGO"

*  Then I went up to claim my prize. . . .

*  Only to have her hand me a GREEN bat!

*  What?  Are you freaking color blind?  Was I not clear enough?  Was the threats with the jello shot swords not convincing?

*  But because I'm a mature adult I graciously accepted my green prize, returned to my seat, and then I may or may not have flown a bird in her direction....no one really remembers.

This party is about to become a historical fact. . . .

*  Tonight I'm hosting my annual "Back to School-overdose-on-sugar-and-soda-your-welcome-for-that-dentist-bill" party.

*  I don't know when this became a tradition but I guess it has.

*  I wasn't really planning any big sleepover parties with the nieces and nephews.

*  They let me know real quick that I was.

*  Last week I got talked into having some of the kids sleep over for what I thought was the party.

*  It was not.

*  They informed me it was the "sleepover to plan the sleepover".

*  Kids 1, Erin 0.

*  I asked them last night what the plan was...."we don't know"

*  What?!  You mean you spent all night painting your nails and watching "Baby Mama" and didn't come up with one thing to do for our official back to school party?!

*  Good thing they are not too picky.

*  Except when it comes to cookies.

*  They will get down right violent if you run out of Chips Ahoy before bedtime.

Suit up. . . .

*  A very dear, dear friend lent me seasons 1 & 2 of 'How I met your mother'.

*  Seriously. Freakin. Hilarious.

*  I never watched this show because I'm not a huge fan of Doogie Howser.

*  But seriously he is so freakin funny in this show and I can really relate to him.

*  Such as 'The Lemon Law'

*  I joined a new dating site and one of the questions was "do you have a car?"

*  Seriously?

*  So I put no....just to mess with people.

*  Does that put me below the Vickie Mendoza Diagonal?

*  Is there really someone out there going "I found the perfect girl but, she doesn't have a car so it would never work out."

*  Tomorrow night is my first date with someone I met online.

*  I'll let you know if I'm forced to invoke the Lemon Law.

All you have to do is call my name and I'll be there, on the next train....

I confess. . . .

* Since I'm too poor to afford cable tv, I've been checking out dvd's from the library.

* I mean I have quite an extensive dvd collection at home but I can only watch 'Talladega Nights' so many times in a one week period.

* They actually have a really good selection of shows I haven't seen before and it's nice to not have to wait a whole week for the next episode.

* It's like on Saturday's or before a new season starts and they have the all day marathon but you can have your own marathon whenever you feel like watching the show.

* As a side note if you read my post the other day you'll find this funny....or not so funny.  As I was walking into the library to get my dvd's a man was getting out of his car and as he started to walk he yelled back at his young (probably 7ish) daughter to hurry along.  She (no lie) says "Holy shit dad I'm going as fast as I can."  Then he says..."what did I tell you about swearing DAMMIT!". 

* I did not even try to hide my laughter.  He looked at me all embarrassed and I gave him this "wonder where she learned that from" look.

* Anyhooo....

* So for the last few months I've been watching 'Gilmore Girls'

* I've seen a lot of reruns when I was rich enough to afford cable tv, but never in sequence and not EVERY episode.

* I've been dying since season 1 for Luke and Lorelai to get together.

* They strung this bad boy out worse than Ross and Rachel.

* Now they are finally together and I realize there are only 2 more seasons left.

* wtf WB, wtf?  You just wasted 5 seasons when we could have been watching this....

Sometimes laughing is the only thing keeping you from crying.

 

 I confess. . . .

* I'm starting to get a little peeved when people come over and comment on my boxes that are still unpacked.

* "Didn't you move in 2 months ago?"

* 3 actually but who's counting....I mean besides you obviously?  JA

 

* Or when they comment about my dog lounging on the couch.

* She lives here....you do not.

* I cry a lot more than I use to, which is weird considering I'm a lot happier than I have been in a long time.

* Does this make me crazy?

* It's not like a one, single, solitary tear either.

* I'm talking full facial contortion, streaking make up, and some kind of foreign dialect coming from my mouth.

You can't be a pretty princess ALL the time Kim!

It's not like I want to shank people.

They just deserve it.

* Work has been especially great this week.

* I have some woman calling me every 5 minutes all pissy about the food in her freezer that spoiled.

* Uhm....I didn't break it.

* I especially love it when I tell people we don't have an open appointment for 2 weeks and they ask me 5 times if there's any way I can fit them in sooner.

* Listen, we want to MAKE money if there was any possible way I could put you on the schedule sooner so we don't lose your business to another service provider, I totally would!

* We are like the dentist. Payment is expected at the time of service.

* I know we are expensive but we are not the only dog and pony show in town. We are however the best in town and you get what you pay for.

* And why is it that people totally ignore the first 3 invoices I send but they get the fourth one with the collection threat and they call up like I just decapitated My Little Pony.

* I get at least 3 calls a week from people with broken dishwashers wanting to know what their suppose to do since we can't get to them for 2 weeks.

* It's called "elbow grease". Learn it. Live it. Love it.

* And to cap off my week, I have this old bitty that lives in my condominium complex who has made it her sworn mission in life to make me miserable.

* I get about 2 emails a month from the management office for some complaint she has lodged against me.

* Bogus complaints.

* Oh for the love of all that is holy please make her go back to wherever it is she came from!

I confess. . . .

*  I can't bring myself to pay for cable/internet so I am without at home.

*  Before I would have died without my Direct TV.

*  Now I just keep thinking "That's $70 I could spend on something I really want or need"

*  I can still go to my brother's house to catch any sports I don't want to miss (damn you Red Wings!)

*  To prevent my death by boredom I've discovered the library again.

*  Currently I'm watching season 1 of Gilmore Girls.

*  The longer I go without cable, the more I realize how much soul damaging crap is on TV these days.

*  Where's the shows like Growing Pains, Full House, Who's The Boss, Charles In Charge???

*  You know the ones where there was a crisis but the family would pull together in the end and there was a lesson to be learned.

*  Now it's all CSI-SVU who killed this person and who raped that person and reality crap!  Crap I tell you!  

*  By the way does anyone know when the new season of Jersey Shore starts cuz there in Italy and I don't want to miss that. . . . I'm just watching to learn about the country. . . .and stuff. . . .

Giddy on up, giddy on out. . . .

*  I am ticked at Blogger!

*  My 'We want to know Wednesday' was erased.

*  I tried to recreate but it wasn't the same :(

*  43 days back in my own place and still have not unpacked....just thought you might want to know what I have NOT been doing.

*  Sometimes I burp in front of my boss.

*  Office etiquette?  No, but I figure it makes us even for when he stinks up the bathroom.

*  Do you ever feel like the days just run together?

*  I've had that feeling lately.  Like every week is the same.

*  Tomorrow I am taking my nephew to a PBR event.  It's not the big wig boys but it's still bull riding and who doesn't want this as their date:

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. . . .

I confess. . . .

* I stepped on the scale today for the first time in about a month.

* Suprisingly, it didn't break.

* But, my heart sure did.

* I am at my peak weight. . . .meaning, I've never been fatter than I am at this moment.

* On a brighter note, I recently found out when my tenants moved out they left behind some of their friends.

* German Cockroaches.

* These guys get all up in your business.

* Literally!  They get inside your appliances, like inside the walls and doors of the appliances.

* Not only are they difficult to get rid of, it's also an expensive process.

* Lucky for me I'm lazy and have yet to unpack so I didn't have to pull everything from the cupboards before the pest control company could lay the poison gel stuff.

* So I got that going for me.

* Plus, I figure I can always just burn the damn house down right?

Life's too interesting for a snack that isn't. . . .

I confess. . . .

*  I could never fit in to a snooty book club.

*  You know the ones where the books are like 700 pages and they get together and talk about symbolism
and crap.

*  Yeah THOSE ones.

*  Give me my Anita Stansfield, 256 pages of a handsome rouge man falling in love and doing good deeds.

*  I read to relax and be entertained, I don't want to have to think too hard.
 

*  Last night I had the best dream about a handsome stranger.

*  He had very warm inviting eyes and I felt like I would marry him.

*  Somehow in the dream ( I don't remember how ) I found out his name was Dave McInnes.

*  I don't know anyone of that name but at least now I know where to start my search for my soul mate

*  So let me know if you find him.

*  I've never even heard of someone with the name McInnes.

*  Is that even a real name???

*  No more PB Twix before bed!

You can take the girl out of the country. . . .

*  I am so grateful to my parents for sacrificing their time and money so that I could grow up in a small town.  (Even though my mom would admit the only way you are moving her from Enterprise is in a casket.)

*  I'm sure there were a lot of other things my dad would have liked to do besides drive an hour to and from work each day....that's 10 HOURS of driving a WEEK!!  Which computes to a whole lot of gas $$$$.

*  I know there are things in the city that you can't get in a small town.  But, that works both ways.

*  I have a work trip coming up that I am NOT excited about.

*  Did I mention I have to go on an airplane???  To a big city???

*  Did I mention I hate big cities that I don't know where I'm going or how long it will take to get there???

*  What if I'm in a cab and I get car sick or need to go to the bathroom???

*  YES!  This is what keeps me up at night!

*  To make matters worse, I got an email from the factory I will be visiting and they "wanted to know more about me".  I deleted that email in a hurry.

*  Then I got a phone call about the email I had not yet responded to....(oops).  "We're so excited your coming and we'll be going to dinner at least 3 times that week"  Say what?

*  I just know they are going to take us to some fancy schmancy restaurant I probably won't be able to pronounce the name of.

*  I will literally projectile vomit if anyone within 3 seats of me orders any kind of sea food!

*  I'm sure they won't serve the kind of food I like

*  Sorry!  I was raised in a hick town and have simple taste.