Online dating 101. . . .

Can't say I'm excited about this topic.  But I know people who have had success and with my opportunities only narrowing from here on out I took the plunge.

First off the profile picture:

Cliff jumping in Hawaii is not your real life.  That was one day three and a half years ago.

 Also, men who include photo's of their children on their profile...no, stop it.

Girl's are no better.  I once saw a guy's profile that said "If you have a profile pic that is zoomed in to only your face or angled in such a way to hide your fat, don't bother messaging me".  

Who told our secret?!!

Interests:

No wonder your single, you're too busy biking, boating, camping, fishing, hiking, paintball, rock climbing, snowmobiling, traveling, and having such a fabulous life to meet anyone.   

I'm exhausted just reading your profile!  Who has that much time?

Send a flirt:

Most guys see this as lazy and impersonal (which it probably is and I am most of the time).  A lot of them will even tell you in their profile to not expect a response from a flirt.

Send a comment/message:

What do I say to someone I don't know, never met, and is probably lying about 89% of the info on their profile.

If a guy flirts with me or sends me a message I immediately try to find him on FB.  FB does not lie.  LDS Singles may say that he is "goal oriented", "attends church frequently", or make him sound like a mushy Hallmark card but the photo's from last Friday night are telling a different story.

And don't be so forward!  Actual message I recieved:

Subject: Hey young girl,

3:30 PM on 4/30/2013

Hey young girl, you are fine and funny. I like your profile, don't fear giving others your food, I would like to eat it. I always clean my dishes same night I cook, can be doing that if we would be together. Would like to start a relationship with you. what is your mind about it?

I don't even know what half that message is about.  I can't mentally make myself respond to crap like this.

Then I will never have it all.  

Reason #88 why it's nice to be single....

You can be mad at your stuff and no one is around to make you feel like a crazy person.

For example. Let's say you get home late from a weekend out of town and you have a lot of stuff to carry in and the house is dark because you didn't leave any lights on. As you make your way inside and try to fumble for the light switch you feel one of your packages starting to slip. It is at this point that you have to make a split second decision to let it go or risk dropping everything. I chose to not only let it go but throw it with force against the wall and curse at it for being weak and not holding on. I was only a few steps away from your resting place you blasted scissors!

That was 2 days ago. I am currently refusing to pick them up because they are stupid and weak and make me mad.

So their still there.

Just lying on the floor.

In a heap.

In the hallway.

Now see if I actually had a significant other I would have to explain why the scissors have been laying there for 2 days when I'm capable of picking them up and then he would dump me for being crazy and getting mad at scissors. Thus, leaving me once again single and alone. Its a vicious cycle.